Monty Python's philosophy song

This song is so great because it reduces a soaring pantheon of philosophy greats to a bunch of hopeless alcoholics consumed by myriad drinking problems:

Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table.
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel,
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.
There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach
about the raising of the wrist.
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.
John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
Bought a half a pint of shandy and was particularly ill.
Plato, they say could stick it away,
Half a crate of whiskey every day.
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle,
Hobbes was fond of his dram,
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart: "I drink, therefore I am."
Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed;
A lovely little thinker but a bugger when he's pissed!

This song appears on the Monty Python 1973 album Matching Tie and Handkerchief.

posted July 17, 2015 7:03 pm

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